FOOL'S HEART 1: YOU

"Nobody ever judged me except you..I just couldn't stand it when you are faking every possible emotions.. I know everything because your own told me so...I know because I was warned that I wasn't the same as the other..I am not oblivious and I know, I am just ignoring it for my own and my other half's sake..."

Don't judge me since you made it clear that you dislike me since beginning, don't blame me since you have clearly shown how much you dislike me..In the end I am just a human being with feelings.. I could not and would not feel any warmth for you...

I had never intended to steal him away from you... I had never purposely try to destroy your family... I just wanted to have a family of my own.. I tried to make you happy..I tried to be the better person..I tried many times..not because I am desperate for your love but because I love him..

It hurted soo much when he showed me those texts that you sent..

Text 1: If you want to marry her, then forget me.

Text 2: I don't have any chemistry with her, rethink your decision.

Text 3: You forget your family by putting an outsider above us.

What did I do? I went to your house when he wasn't around, I visited you with good intentions.. You didn't receive me well, your family humiliated me, his siblings didn't even bothered to welcome or at least have a decent conversation with me but I stayed..I stayed because I promised him to be a better person and to make you like me as best as I could..His aunt ridiculed me but I kept my face smiling..even when my own bestfriend said let's go I was stubborn enough not to give up and leave..Couldn't you see the efforts?

You blamed me for everything...You blamed me when he was not around the family...You blamed me when he was ignoring you..Remember when you called me suddenly and practically shouting pretending to be angry at him but finally went on saying that we were doing something nasty and forbidden things behind your back? Not a single text or phone calls on all those months and suddenly I received that kind of call? Didn't you know that you were hurting me? Didn't you realized that I was really really hurt? Was my silence not enough for you? Were you that desperate to make me leave him?

No way, no way will I ever let my love walked away from my life!! I had never taught or even told him to disobey you..I had never urged him to love you less..No, I never did because in the end he still needs you. I kept my mouth shut..Even when you deliberately delayed our engagement for months..You kept on saying not ready to him..I had given up any hopes for me and him...Because he could never say no to you..But I guess me and him are meant to be together in the end..

Still...you just had to try to ruin everything. You just had to pick a fight with my mother..Didn't you realized how much I love him? I was praying hard..Even when you bitched about my mother, I kept my mouth shut..I had to be patient..Patience is supposed to be virtue in the end right? I was so patient when even my family ignored me for months after the wedding...

Yes, "The Wedding".What more can I say...We just got married and you left...You just left even though the party was just starting...It hurted me but not as much as when he told me this:

"Don't ever expect yourself to be treated nicely and so sweetly like the other one. You are not the same and she will never like you. I know this that's why I don't want you to do things that will hurt you in the end. Just keep to yourself and be a good person when you are needed only"

on our wedding night. Why do you hate me soo much? Do you really think I am not good enough for him? I didn't marry him for money because I knew he had none..

My parents were humiliated when we had our reception at your place..You just had to do it together with his sister's wedding..My father was sick for goodness sake and yet he still came..No one from your family even bothered to receive my family. He was lying on the road for hours because it was so hot and he couldn't stand properly..

Imagine how embarrassed I was, my father was a high ranking government officer!! He was a bloody director and yet he was treated in such humiliating way...

I was crying..I was alone..no one bothered to tend to me..I had no one...Even though he was the groom but he had to go and buy groceries for others because the reality is it was not our wedding ceremony but his "sister's wedding event". And yet me and him still went along and try to calm each other.. My family stopped speaking to me afterwards....They just couldn't forget. Didn't you noticed? Was I really not good enough?

You had the audacity to inform every single bloody family member that I was adopted...Your clever daughter even daringly asked whether I was adopted in front of my mother's face..What was the purpose? To humiliate me? Was pushing me and him aside not enough?

Do you really want us to get a divorce?

Since then you had never texted me or even called to ask about me.. You might called him but not me...Whenever I texted you to wish you, you never bothered to reply...I bet you bitched about me to his siblings because his sister treated me the same exact way you were treating me...Ohh except for the once in a month call to ask whether I got pregnant or not..Simply to bitch on everyone else is pregnant except for me..Simply to bitch on why was I still not pregnant..

You are an amazing attention seeker...You bitched on how as a family we were supposed to be together for the festive, saying it's okay if we couldn't make it but then make such a big deal because we couldn't make it..Yes you are definitely a two-faced attention seeker. My heart was heavy to leave my parents but I did it anyway since the main purpose was to get to know the distant relatives..But what did I get? I was blatantly ignored by every single living family member..Yes your family member...Smiling like a monkey I was.. I wonder what exactly have you told them before we arrived.

Your sister just couldn't even be bothered to look at me..Your nieces looked at me as if I was their enemy..Oh and your favourite was splendid, yes she got the attention that she wanted from everyone and obviously from you..You didn't even sit near me.. You walked away when I was there..Things could not even be more fantastic when we went to your brother's...The treatment got worse..You didn't even look at me. They asked me how many children? I said none. Immediately no more words were uttered to me..But the FAVOURITE, of course she was pregnant. Things were different for her..she was the FAVOURITE after all..The angel that was sent down from heaven to complete your family... Didn't you noticed when I smiled at you and you looked away? Didn't you noticed that I was on the brink of tears? I was treated in such way because I wasn't pregnant?

Three years later and I am still not pregnant. What else can you do to me? Did you really think that I was and still am oblivious? Weak and desperate to please you? Oh, you are soo definitely MISTAKEN. I just couldn't give a shit anymore.. Now you are expecting me to hug and kiss you with warmth? Nope, no way. You think I care if his siblings call me a bitch? I don't give a shit. You want me to be your taxi driver? Call a cab. You who happens to be the person that hates me the most, expecting me to love you unconditionally? I just couldn't do it.

Every single conversations we had I knew you were faking it and it was meaningless to you. Just yesterday you mentioned that I had nothing for you to talk about to your friends unlike the FAVOURITE that just went to the UK. You said this and you are expecting me to be your everything? Nobody ever treated me in this kind of way except you. I just couldn't stand it when you are faking every possible emotions... Don't expect me to grovel, I am not a dog. That perfect FAVOURITE ANGEL of yours, one day you will see her real true colours. If she can show me what kind of a bitch she is, just you wait until she shows it to you..What comes around goes around..